Lizard World Read online

  Other books by the author:

  Goldsmith’s Return

  Lizard

  World

  Terry Richard Bazes

  Livingston Press

  The University of West Alabama

  Copyright © 2011 Terry Richard Bazes

  All rights reserved, including electronic text

  isbn 13: 978-1-60489-076-1 library binding

  isbn 13: 978-1-60489-077-8 trade paper

  Library of Congress Control Number 2011931225

  Printed on acid-free paper.

  Printed in the United States of America,

  United Graphics

  Hardcover binding by: Heckman Bindery

  Typesetting and page layout: Joe Taylor

  Cover layout: Joe Taylor

  Cover design and art: Louis Netter

  Proofreading: Connie James, Stephanie Camille Murray

  Joe Taylor, Tricia Taylor, Jenna Wenbourne

  Acknowledgments

  This book has two godfathers -- Ben Cheever and Tom Maresca

  -- to whom I am more grateful than I can say.

  I also want to thank Ian Kleinert, Joe Taylor, Mary Bisbee-Beek, Richard Cohon, Marilyn Johnson, Esmeralda Santiago, and -- for taking in a stranger on a cold day -- Barney & Astrid Rosset.

  The first chapter of this novel was previously published in

  The Evergreen Review.

  This is a work of fiction.

  Any resemblance

  to persons living or dead is coincidental.

  Livingston Press is part of The University of West Alabama,

  and thereby has non-profit status.

  Donations are tax-deductible:

  brothers and sisters, we need ’em.

  first edition

  6 5 4 3 2 1

  For Deborah

  הלכ יתחא ינתבבל

  Lizard

  World

  Dramatis Personæ

  Moderns

  MAX NATHAN SMEDLOW, a well-respected dentist in general practice

  AGNES SMEDLOW, Wife to Dr. Smedlow

  BRUCE J. SILVER, a personal-injury attorney, in the employ of Agnes Smedlow

  WENDELL SKAGGS, ESQ., Claims department counsel to Bedrock Casualty Company

  LEMUEL LEE FROBEY, a troubled artiste and aficionado of reptiles

  BEELZEBUB, a python

  LIGEIA FROBEY, Aunt to Lemuel Lee Frobey

  EARL FROBEY, a veterinary surgeon of genius, uncle to

  Lemuel Lee Frobey and brother to Ligeia Frobey

  TAFFY CLAPP, Inamorata to Lemuel Lee Frobey and, subsequently, wife to Floyd Ambrose Fusco

  OLD HATTIE, an ancient resident of a Florida swamp

  VERGIL, a handyman

  MOSHER POE, a monster, kin both to Edgar Allen Poe and the Frobey family

  DARRELL BUTZ, a journalist imprisoned by the Frobey family

  BLITZ, a German shepherd and faithful companion to Lemuel Lee Frobey

  ANNABEL LEVY GRISWOLD, Wife to the ancient Earl of Griswold

  OCTAVIA BLYNN, an important editor

  MAGDA KRETCH, assistant to Octavia Blynn

  DUMPLING, a Yorkshire terrier, companion to Mrs. Smedlow and Inamorata to Blitz

  FLOYD AMBROSE FUSCO, a soldier in the Army of Anubis, husband to Taffy Clapp Fusco and mentor

  to Lemuel Lee Frobey

  FLOYD AMBROSE FUSCO JR., a ten-year-old boy, son to Taffy Clapp Fusco and to the late Floyd

  Ambrose Fusco & Alligators, lawyers, snakes, cops, cabbies, circus freaks, rats, horseflies etc.

  Ancients

  THE ENGLISH FELLA, His Immortal Lordship, the Earl of Griswold, also known as Rufus Wilmot

  Griswold

  SELWYN HERBERT, LORD FAWNCEY, a Restoration Poet, Cousin to his Lordship the Earl of Griswold

  and brother to the late, lamented Belinda

  BARNABY, a bookseller, friend to Lord Fawncey

  JOSIAH FLUDD M.D. , a poor, ambitious young surgeon

  MEISTER GERHARD FROBIN, an old barber-surgeon in the employ of the Earl of Griswold; an ancestor

  to the Frobey family

  THE CYCLOPS, daughter to Meister Frobin

  BROMLEY, an inferior footman

  SIMKYN POTTER, a rogue in the employ of the Earl of Griswold

  SATCHUNK, an Indian wench

  BESSIE STUBBS, a poor, pretty English wench with very good teeth

  VISCOUNT CHOMMELEY, gaming companion to the Earl of Griswold

  LADY CHOMMELEY, wife to the Viscount Chommeley

  LENORE, COUNTESS OF WOLVERTON, the Grey-eyed Lady. Beloved of the Earl of Griswold, niece to

  the Viscount and Viscountess Chommeley

  MISTRESS FELSHAM, an old bawd, a confederate to the Earl of Griswold

  CHARITY FLOWER, a young harlot, tormentor to Dr. Fludd and supposed friend to the Lady Lenore

  SMYTHE AND SQUIBB, a brace of cut-throats in the employ of the Earl of Griswold

  MILLICENT, a pious Marchioness, sister-in-law to the Earl of Griswold &Crokadells, salvages, peers,

  serving-women, constables, corpses, flyes, harlots, monstrosities etc.

  House of Frobey

  Meister Gerhard Frobin = Bechte Oppmann

  1624-1702 1641-1693

  ½

  Polyphema Frobin = Josiah Fludd M.D.

  (the Cyclops) 1660-1720 1670-1763

  ½

  Sula Mae Clemm = Jedediah Frobin, bastard

  1768-1821 1690-1798

  ½

  Hezekiah Frobey = Rosalie Poe

  1795-1871 1810-1874

  ½

  ¾ ¾

  ½ ½

  Mosher Poe = Madeline Frobey Roderick Frobey = Hepzibah Clemm

  1812- 1824-1867 1824-1866 1821-1902

  ½ ½

  Hannibal Lee Poe = Ida Lemuel Tamerlane Frobey = Eulalie Clemm

  1838-1878 1836-1867 1837-1885 1836-1926

  ½ ½

  Hannah Lee Poe = Israfel Frobey

  1850-1913 1852-1951

  ½

  Arthur Gordon Frobey = Hetty Lemuel

  1865-1904 ½

  ¾

  ½ ½

  Bessie Lemuel = Abner Frobey Jacob (“Big Jake”) Frobey = Virginia Lemuel

  1950- 1888-1984 1877-1959 1893-1939

  ½ ½

  ¾ ¾ ¾ ¾

  ½ ½ ½ ½ ½

  Jeb Frobey Ida Frobey Bunny Clapp = Valdemar Frobey Earl Frobey Ligeia Frobey

  1980- 1983- 1964-1978 1912-96 1912- 1908-

  Lemuel Lee Frobey

  1978 -

  From The Memoirs of Josiah Fludd, M.D.

  (Caleb Pedlar: Paternoster Row, London, 1742)

  Once I found a shilling in a dead milliner’s pocket and this exceed-

  ing treasure sufficed to buy me Suffolk cheese and small beer for a week. At this miserable period of my youth these pittances seemed luxuries enough. Nor would I have then believed that I would one day dress in silks, administer glysters to duchesses, and be vouchsafed admittance to the Grand Arcanum -- the high mysteries of the scalpel and the dark secrets of the Elixir of Eternal Life. To me alone this was given -- the secrets of the immortal potion for which Paracelsus sought in vain and the Spaniard Ponce de Leon gave his life.

  This shilling, then, was but the first-fruit of my labours. For I being then in my nineteenth year and little more than a beggar -- intent, by hook or by crook, to become a chirurgeon and yet utterly without means to feed and clothe my body (much less to learn the merest rudiments of my profession) -- I at length had found a way both to earn my bread and pursue my studies by undertaking to perform a service -- a wholly necessary and harmless service -- albeit one from which my more prosperous school-mates turned away with horror and revulsion. So it was that
I got my sustenance and was suffered to sit with all the paying scholars -- provided it was in the very backermost row -- and watch whilst our professor probed the deepest mysteries of a fresh cadaver.

  Now just exactly how and whence these cadavers were supplied were questions my finical colleagues dared not closely entertain, al-though in gross they knew the truth and shunned me like a leper. But I cared not a fart for their esteem, so long as I could learn, and the short of it was that I advanced quickly in my studies and was oft besought by my professors for a specimen and consequently was upon ever the most constant look-out for the newly dead.

  For this purpose it was my practice to put on the clothes and countenance of a mourner and, thus disguised, to frequent the very meanest of country churches in the hope that there I might chance upon some humble obsequies. If fortune smiled, and some farmer or laundress had departed this life, then I would repair under the cloak of starlight unto the churchyard, still in mourning attire and carrying a fistful of daisies and a Bible, lest I be questioned of my purpose and require a ready pretext. The great secret of the art was to work with utmost haste and efface the smallest evidence of theft. Therefore, by the light of my lantern, I studied the disposition of each rock, each wreath of flowers -- and, thus informed of the state to which the grave must later be restored, now proceeded to violate the soil, but only so much as to permit my shovel to break the very head-piece of the box.

  This method, once perfected, allowed me -- in a trice -- to draw the carcass out, conceal it in a sack, restore the injured earth, and load my stiffened burden on a waiting dung-cart.

  ’Twas in this manner that I contrived to fill my belly, ensure the progress of my studies, and the comfort of a flea-bit pallet. But equally I ensured the loathing of my fellows and even my professors, though they oft were beholden to my services, recoiled from my presence and did seem more to grudge than praise my nimble learning. Indeed, so contradictory was my position -- as much needed as despised for the performance of my midnight labors, ahead of my fine classmates but in the rear of their esteem (without which my future as a surgeon was foredoomed) -- that I began to fear that I at best would be a physician to the poor, or at worst a wretched leach to oxen, pigs and horses.

  Thus, whilst I lay abed one evening in my garret, did I meditate my dismal plight and the wreck of my ambitions, when I heard a sudden knocking on my door. No sooner had I risen up and inquired who it was, than I had drawn the bolt -- and beheld, there before me, a creature whom elsewise I would have taken for a mere cut-purse, had the fellow not been most servile and worn a footman’s livery. He had, he said, been sent to ask the favour of my services, forasmuch as a certain noble earl had need of a handsome, young, female carcass -- for which specimen I would be excellently paid provided it be fresh and that the feet were shapely and unblemished.

  One may easily conceive with what astonishment I attended this request. Indeed, I do not wholly recall my stammering response -- save that I would consider on the matter and speak about it more upon the morrow. Nonetheless, I well recall in what state of sleepless perturbation I subsequently tossed upon my pallet. For though I long had regarded my churchyard labors as unavoidable expedients to the growth of science, I could not readily degrade my somber office to the lewd employment of a common bawd. For I doubted not that this earl (of whose profligacy I had heard before) required a female cadaver, not for the furtherance of science, but to indulge a heinous and obscene appetite.

  It was, therefore, little wonder that, ere the morning broke, I had all but resolved to decline this vile offer. For to the agonies of conscience I far preferred a future life of penury and scorn. So entirely, in fact, had I dismissed all thought of this proposal, that I would never have enjoyed the blessings of honour and prosperity, had it not been for a single tragic accident.

  For upon the following day, whilst seated in a tavern, I chanced to hear a scream, a wild neigh of horses, and a general shout -- purporting that some harlot, some creature who sold her favours to the lowest blackguards, had been mortally trampled by a passing carriage. Someone cried out for a doctor -- and I hastened to attend.

  Suffice it to say that I did all within my power to save the piteous wretch. Indeed, so conscious was she of my efforts that her dying wish was for a way to compensate my kindness. But the short of the matter is that when I considered that her immortal soul had fled and left behind the carcass of a whore who, when alive, had not priced herself above a shilling -- and when I considered furthermore how wrong it was to waste within the earth what elsewise might be put to better purpose, then I could not choose but see that frugality was rightly deemed a virtue.

  I did not fail to attend the somber service and throw my bunch of daisies in the grave. A few sad strumpets, who had paid both the coffin-maker and the sexton, huddled next me to pay their last respects. But no sooner did the sexton start to shovel in the dirt, than they ceased their fond farewells and made off to do their business in the streets. Then I, too, departed -- but only for so long as to hasten to my lodgings and leave word that if a footman chanced to ask for me, he should wait for my return.

  By nightfall, when I set about my work, it was raining. Gratefully, this inclemency of weather favoured the expedition of my efforts: for not a single hackney passed to retard the steady progress of my digging. Indeed, so quickly did I work, that I had broke into the box, bagged my quarry, replaced the soil, and rode off in my cart, ere I bethought myself to see whether the feet of the poor creature would answer the intent of my commission.

  It is difficult to convey what misery of panic this sudden thought occasioned: for at once I saw that all my hopes of preferment (which till now I barely allowed myself to entertain) might have come to nought had the poor dead girl’s feet been unshapely or bruised and therefore failed to fulfill the exacting requirements of my employer. At once I stopped my cart along the road-side and had already contriv’d to untie the sack and, by my lantern’s light, commenced to unlace the creature’s boots, when I heard the sound of nearby footsteps. To my earlier panic, then, was superadded the fresh horror of discovery and when I saw, from out the darksome mist, that the footsteps were those of a mere old rag-man -- the vile embodiment of all the beggarly misery from which I had arisen and which now did seem to come betwixt me and my prize -- I do shamefully confess I itched to strike him with my shovel. But happily such unworthiness was but a moment’s sinful thought and this old man passed by me quite unharmed. Indeed, I thanked God for my deliverance as I watched him turn the corner. One may readily conceive with what frenzied and suspenseful eagerness I now again hastened to unlace the slattern’s boots -- and with what sudden access of relief and joy I at last removed them: for never had I seen such slender perfection of the digits -- or a more finely shaped metatarsus.

  It wanted yet several hours before daybreak (still the cold rain fell and the sky was black as pitch) when I arrived back at my lodgings with my quarry. The harridan from whom I let my garret must have heeded my instructions, for awaiting me before that row of squalid houses were a coach and four -- and my last night’s visitor shivering in the coach-box against the cold and rain. This fellow -- this Simkyn Potter, as I learned hereafter he was named -- gan now, as soon as he took note of my arrival, to vent his spleen against my tardiness and the enormity of his discomforts and assayed to pay me at once for my choice specimen and be gone. But I would have none of it, for I would not be cheated of my chance to wait upon and be of service to a rich and noble earl. Therefore I told this surly coachman that by the means of certain medicaments I could forestall the wonted stiffening of the dead, give both colour and fragrance to the flesh, which would please his lord more fully than would stiff and foul meat. In fine, I played the doctor and warned him that he gravely risked his lord’s displeasure, which so frighted him that now again, as he had been the night before, he was all servility and smiles -- and agreed that I myself should bring my trophy to his lord.

  It is little wonder that now, with this Po
tter at the reins, I did not hesitate to exchange my dung-cart for the sumptous elegance of a covered carriage -- and that as I and my precious sack coached it through the labyrinth of the sleeping city, I felt the giddy drunkenness of hope. For already I guessed that upon this one event depended all my future honours, and that at last I should win the laurels that had so long eluded me. Indeed, my heart was full and much did I thank God and marvel at the mysteries of Providence.

  It ever being my practice to anoint a specimen with herbs and sweeten it with cloves, now whilst I rode did I reach into my sack and with some difficulty perform the melancholy office of embalment. Wherefore, when at length we wheel’d into his Lordship’s fore-court, I was content that I had done my duty and could not therefore fail to please.

  The carriage stopped before a massive portal. It was, even now, the dead of night and raining. As I quitted the carriage, a mastiff gan sniffing at my sack and a hunch-back’d old gentlemen looked down from a nearby window. But of his Lordship I saw nothing, tho’ from a distant recess of this august pile I did hear a shrill and fearsome howl.

  No sooner did this howling cease than, from out the doorway next to me, this old hunch-back came hobbling at full speed and, with a vigour astonishing for one so aged and deformed, thrust me aside and seiz’d upon my sack. For such impertinence I fairly itched to damn his soul to hell. But forbearing to offend an elder (who seemed, moreover, at his master’s bidding), I doff’d my hat and proffer’d him my aid.

  At this old gentleman’s instruction, then, I dragged my heavy sack into the kitchen, wherein I did first unbag and then unshoe my quarry -- so that, in a trice, this poor dead harlot lay outstretch’d next the chimney-fire upon a wooden table.